I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
