Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
