Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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