My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
