VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
