he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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