i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
