Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
