you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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