loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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