That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
