he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
