i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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