i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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