haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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