Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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