I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
