Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
