Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
