I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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