i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
