LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
