I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
