She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
