i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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