If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
