Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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