how can u be prego again
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
