i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
