It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
