New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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