Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
