Whod you bang
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
