I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
