new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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