He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
