My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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