Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
