i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
