She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
