Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
