I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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