Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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