I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
