God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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