I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
