Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
