i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
