I want to have your abortion
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
