i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
