Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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