I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
