My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
