His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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