She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
